Invisible & Not Believed. A Poem By Sherry L

It's been almost four Winters
I have begged for help
With all that has been going on
W/in and w/ out..

Four Winters, just about
when my long blond hair
fell to the floor
in clumps
too hard to ignore
That!!

My eyes, always seeing, ( or not seeing...?)
spiderwebs through cotton balls
my every joint, every bone, my very skin
screaming...."HELP!"

Through self-advocating
through hours of mind bending
research
with hands cramped & fingers stiff
nerve endings flaring everywhere..

I found what I knew to be true
AS or AxialSpa in women is real, not in my mind
But in precedented papers
written by doctors
through research they did find..

Gender had/has a hold on women
inma different way than men
And finally I feel...vindicated
I feel a release..

Of tension, of stress
just knowing it was true
not in my mind, as too
many doctors had said
yet now it's too late
Should I thank them?

Yes, I am angry at those " specialists"
diagnosing me w/ everything from "lupus"
to "Fibro" and everything in between...

I changed health plans, doctors & specialists
& walked, ( in my mind,) miles upon miles
to find...

What all the other doctors, etc... said, " It's only
in males we find
the HLA-B27 genetic code, that's our final answer
now go..away..."

I suffer every day
upon wakening, ( if I DO actually sleep,)
and w/out sight most days, or sight in 1 eye alone..
I suffer every day, every minute, in every way
Because I was invisible
and not believed..

I, like many, just wanted answers,
I wanted to be heard
and though the outcome of my life
is not so great, I'm told
I take peace in knowing
I may not be as invisible
as I once was..

The progression of AS is so awry
for each person
my AS is mine & will be until the end...

I just pray all the researching I did
isn't for naught
I pray the answers I got
will help others to see
to fight, to get answers

That will bring others
The same peace...

To make others visible
to make them heard
to make them believed....

I refuse
any longer to be invisible and not heard..
so should you...

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