Invisible & Not Believed. A Poem By Sherry L
It's been almost four Winters
I have begged for help
With all that has been going on
W/in and w/ out..
Four Winters, just about
when my long blond hair
fell to the floor
too hard to ignore
My eyes, always seeing, ( or not seeing...?)
spiderwebs through cotton balls
my every joint, every bone, my very skin
through hours of mind bending
with hands cramped & fingers stiff
nerve endings flaring everywhere..
I found what I knew to be true
AS or AxialSpa in women is real, not in my mind
But in precedented papers
written by doctors
through research they did find..
Gender had/has a hold on women
inma different way than men
And finally I feel...vindicated
I feel a release..
Of tension, of stress
just knowing it was true
not in my mind, as too
many doctors had said
yet now it's too late
Should I thank them?
Yes, I am angry at those " specialists"
diagnosing me w/ everything from "lupus"
to "Fibro" and everything in between...
I changed health plans, doctors & specialists
& walked, ( in my mind,) miles upon miles
What all the other doctors, etc... said, " It's only
in males we find
the HLA-B27 genetic code, that's our final answer
I suffer every day
upon wakening, ( if I DO actually sleep,)
and w/out sight most days, or sight in 1 eye alone..
I suffer every day, every minute, in every way
Because I was invisible
and not believed..
I, like many, just wanted answers,
I wanted to be heard
and though the outcome of my life
is not so great, I'm told
I take peace in knowing
I may not be as invisible
as I once was..
The progression of AS is so awry
for each person
my AS is mine & will be until the end...
I just pray all the researching I did
isn't for naught
I pray the answers I got
will help others to see
to fight, to get answers
That will bring others
The same peace...
To make others visible
to make them heard
to make them believed....
any longer to be invisible and not heard..
so should you...
Do you struggle with insomnia?