two separate beds

My Husband and I Stopped Sharing a Bed Because of AS

If you are anything like me, sleep is vital to your existence and it is non-negotiable for my pain management. And while I can sit here and say this now with certainty, it took many years pre-AS diagnosis and post-diagnosis and treatment to figure out what works best for me and my family to cope!

That being said what I’m about to talk about may feel a little bit taboo, but I promise you what is worse than taboo subjects is having a bad night's sleep.

“My husband and I stopped sleeping together because of my AS”

Shortly after my diagnosis, my youngest daughter was now one year old and a walking machine, and my 2.5-year-old was learning how far he could run from me while I held his sister. The days were long and tough and the nights became unbearable.

I would toss and turn, often I would cry from pain and frustration as my husband tried to offer any help he could. It became overwhelming to deal with the pain and worry I would keep my husband up every night, who is the main support in our family), which fueled more anxiety.

Evening check-ins and separate beds

So we began to sleep in separate beds. It was a natural shift after many of these difficult nights where my husband would end up in our spare room anyways, then the conversation moved to evening check-ins to see where my pain levels were before bed to decide if we should sleep separate. We noticed even on low pain days, sleeping together just didn't give us the best night's sleep!

This was the BEST decision we have made both for my health and our relationship. Both of us sleep better and I’m doing so we found out that we each have different requirements for what we need in a mattress, so maybe a sleep number bed might be an option in the future! In the meantime we know we have different sleep habits and routines in general and although it may seem like sleeping apart would create distance, I feel like we are closer.

It works for us

But for now, this works great for us! We do check in with each other frequently to make sure each of us is still feeling good about the decision, and it’s important to note this was never a decision made out of anger or frustration, I think that’s why we have continued to sleep separately with success!

How do you manage sleeping with a partner with AS?

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