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The Difficulties of Dating With AS

The Difficulties of Dating With AS

I’ve been on and off dating apps and websites since 2014. I’ve seen first hand how hard it is to connect and meet people in the age of dating apps. It’s hard enough being an able person, but I had no idea how much harder it would be once I had a chronic illness.

Being upfront about my illness

One thing that I’ve learned over the past few years, whether it be meeting new friends or meeting potential boyfriends, is to be upfront about my illness. I make sure it’s understood loud and clear that I have a disability, and I don’t quite operate like the majority of people on these apps.

I’d say that the majority of guys I’ve told about my AS take it well. Most of them just want to know more and ask basic questions. That being said, the conversations don’t necessarily last long, they fizzle out and I move on.

I don’t tend to take that personally anymore, because I’ve learned that I just don’t have time for anyone who can’t handle someone having an illness. Like come on, we’re adults.

My experiences with dating apps

I’ve had both positive and negative experiences with dating apps. Sometimes, when you don’t answer people right away, or you’ve just simply lost interest before engaging in conversation, they choose to insult you. For example, I once didn’t answer someone for a few days, so they wrote to me:

“w/e u have health issues lol”

This isn’t just a chronic illness problem, it happens to every girl. It’s pathetic. And to insult someone because they have a chronic health problem which they can’t control is probably the lowest of the low. Like I said above, I don’t take offense to this, because I simply don’t have time to deal with someone who acts like a child.

“Can you even have sex with your condition right now? Just curious is all.”

Then there’s this. The people who only care about having sex, so their first question is if I can even have sex. It blows my mind that people have the confidence to outright ask a stranger something like this.

Sure, AS makes it harder to have sex sometimes, but it’s truly not a big deal. I can’t even imagine what girls with endometriosis go through on dating apps. I feel a big reason people act this way is just because they’re behind a screen.

It’s Not Easy

The dating world is not an easy place to navigate. The lack of awareness for chronic illnesses can account for some of the things we have to go through. I truly wish that people were more understanding, and more mindful of the way they speak to others.

If you’re in the dating world with a chronic illness, let me say that I feel for you. Dating apps suck, and it makes it so much more difficult when you have your own health issues and mental health issues to deal with as well.

I hope you all know that you’re worth so much more than what ignorant people say to you. You are deserving of love, and when you find it, it’ll be so rewarding. I know it was for me.

What are your experiences with dating while having AS?

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AnkylosingSpondylitis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Lawrence "Rick" Phillips moderator
    4 weeks ago

    Heck my wife and I have not spoken to each other all day and we live together. Does that mean she has ghosted me? 🙂

    I am so glad I have been married for 42 years and unless I find that she really has ghosted me, I can go on without learning abut online dating. I hope you find the one great person in your life.

  • Steff Di Pardo moderator author
    2 weeks ago

    Hahaha. That’s amazing you’ve been together for so long! Is she really understanding of your illness? That’s all I can hope for. Thanks, Rick!

  • Lawrence "Rick" Phillips moderator
    2 weeks ago

    Steff, Sheryl and I were married very young, I was 19 and she was 20. We met in HS and despite my asking three times, she said no each time.

    One year later she call me for a date and 15 months later were were married up, I was a sophomore in college. Two years later we had our first child.

    I had developed type 1 diabetes two years before we got married so she has only known me with at least one chronic illness.

    When I was 42 I developed RA and then 15 years later AS. Sheryl is my rock. She understands, watches out for me and has my best interest at heart. So yes, 43 years later She does think I work to hard, and try to hard.

    As a couple of old retiree’s we have all our memories, good and bad. We have our two sons we love more than life, and of course our three grandchildren who we love even more.

    Marriage is the hardest, best work a person can do. It is so worth it. I am a better man, father, son, grandfather and human because of that great day I first saw Sheryl 47 years ago in our senior Government class.

    I know you will find what you seek. But like Sheryl did, be sure and look in the oddest places even that strange guy that kept asking you out.

    Here is a link to an item you might enjoy.

    https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/seasons-of-marriage-reflection-on-41-years/

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